Archive for the ‘kids’ Category

Bersawang

Posted: April 16, 2013 in baby, family, kids, life, love
Tags: , , , , ,

Pehhh bapak lama rasanya aku tak update kat sini. Kerja makin bertambah tambah. Masa yang aku ada hanya untuk tidur aje.

Alhamdulillah, sejak aku diperkenalkan kepada vaping, aku tidak lagi menyenyuh rokok. Malah bau rokok pon aku dah pening sekarang. Kepada mereka yang dulunya kerap menegur aku busuklah bau rokok ni, aku minta maaf. Aku sendiri pon tak boleh bau orang yang baru lepas merokok ni.

Dulu vaping ni konon nak berhenti merokok lah. Guna pon eGo VV aje. Habis kuat upgrade tank ke Vivi Nova. Namun sekarang aku dah jauh upgrade. Cakap aje mod apa tank apa kalau aku tak pernah pakai aku pernah rasa.

Yang best, duit gaji aku tak terusik pon main benda-benda ni. Nak tau camner? Mana boleh kongsi kat sini kalau nak meh lepak dengan aku masa Vapemeet. Aku akan ceritakan. Kalau tidak masakan aku boleh merasa mod-mod dewataraya macam Orion, GGTS, Reo, Poldiac, JM22, Chi You, Caravela dan sebagainya.

Oklah, itu pasal vaping. Ni pasal ahli keluarga baru pulak. Dalam sibuk kerja dan vaping ni, aku sepatutnya timang cahaya mata kelima aku bulan lima ni namun apakan daya dia ikut jejak abang Ar’Rayaan dia, dia nak keluar awal. Maka selamat datang Arman Sulaiman. Sulaiman? Kenapa Sulaiman? dan kenapa abang-abang dan kakaknya ada Wan dia tidak?

Aku namakan dia Sulaiman ada sebab. Sebab pertama, masa dia dilahirkan, dia tidak cukup bulan. Baru 31 minggu dia dah dilahirkan. Malah paru-parunya juga masih belum kuat sepenuhnya. Dia keluar awal kerana uri mamanya dah pecah. Doktor kata nasib baik dia lahir awal kalau tidak, wallahualam.

Jadi pada 14 Mac 2013 Arman Sulaiman dilahirkan jam 5.59 pagi. Yang best tu semalaman aku tunggu. Time aku balik rumah nak mandi time tulah dia nak keluar. So pendeekan cerita, aku ke hospital semula. Wife dah masuk wad biasa namun baby tiada di sisinya. Aku tanya mana anak, dia jawab kat dalam NICU (Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit). Aku jadi hairan kenapa NICU sebab dulu masa Rashidi tak cukup bulan pon tak kena tahan di NICU.

Petang sikit bila wife dah kuat sikit dia ajak aku tengok baby. Ya ALLAH nak gugur jantung aku masuk dalam tu. Aku tengok baby yang kat dalam tu pelbagai wayar dan tiub berselirat atas mereka. Mereka semua diletakkan dalam balang inkubator. Wife suruh cuci tangan dan guna hand sanitizer. Aku tidak boleh bawak baby keluar dari balang kaca itu maka aku azankan dari lubang untuk masukkan tangan ke telinga baby aku. Dalam aku azankan dia, tiba-tiba tangannya yang terbuka menggenggam jari telunjuk aku. Digenggam dan dilepas seolah-olah memberitahuku jangan risau. Aku jadi sebak. Azanku terhenti sekejap. Aku habiskan azan..

Beberapa hari selepas itu dia nampak makin sihat dan dibukakan tiub oksigen dan tiub susu (yang dimasukkan menerusi mulut hingga ke perut) serta tiub IV. Dia juga dikeluarkan dari dalam balang inkubator. Aku boleh azan dan qamat padanya dengan lebih sempurna kali ni. Keciknya anak aku ni. Tak besar dari kotak tisu. Aku tunaikan tugasku sebagai ayahnya. Esok harinya aku dapat call dari wife mengatakan keadaan baby lemah sangat. Doktor kata 50/50 dah ni. Aku terus ke hospital dan aku lihat semua tiub dipasanga semula dan dia kelihatan lemah. Aku cuit dia namun respons amat mengecewakan. Hampir sejam aku berdiri di luar balang kacanya sambil bercakap dengannya. Aku usap tangannya, kakinya dan ubunnya.

Wife pula yang sepatutnya dah boleh pulang dimasukkan ke wad K5, wad khusus untuk ibu-ibu yang baby mereka ditahan. Ianya juga dikenali sebagai lodging ward. Tak perlu bayar apa-apa pun. Bagus sekarang HKL ni.

Di wad K5 aku lihat wife sugul matanya ku lihat bengkak. Aku tau dia susah hati. Lagila aku sebak. Aku tahan. Nurse menyerahkan kepadaku segala dokumen untuk aku daftarkan kelahiran anak aku yang masih belum bernama ini. Aku perlu pulang. Aku tak tahan sedih tengok wife aku keadaan macam tu. Wife kata dia nak tunggu baby. Nak pam susu katanya. Aku tau itu alasan dia nak dekat dengan baby kerana di K5 dah ada segala pam susu, tak perlu ke NICU.

Dalam lif aku peluk dia sambil memujuknya supaya bersabar. Kita perbanyakkan doa. Pehh sedih aku siot. Darah daging sendiri tu kot. Aku masuk ke dalam kereta keadaan sudah mendung. Hati aku pon mendung sama. Tapi aku terlebih dahulu hujan sebelum keadaan kat luar turut hujan. Mau tak hujan, aku tengok keadaan anak aku macam tu. Lepas tu tengok wife sedih susah hati. Di rumah yang kecik dua orang demam nak kan mamanya. Yang dua besar pon sedih bila adik baru tak boleh balik lagi.

Jadi aku pulang aku nekad nak berikan nama baby baru aku ni nama Nabi. Aku tanyakan si kakak dan abang bagi senarai kat baba nama-nama Nabi yang mereka suka. Aku pun dapatlah sebarai tu. Antaranya Muhammad, Ismail (nama arwah papaku), Adam, Ayub, Zakaria dan Ibrahim.

Entah macam mana adik perempuan aku yang suggest Sulaiman dan aku macam suka pulak. Terus aku namakan Sulaiman.

Esoknya di JPN aku namakan dia Wan Arman Sulaiman namun hampa apabila diberitahu sejak 2012 undang-undang hanya membenarkan Wan Nik dan sebagainya jika bapanya juga Wan Nik dan sebagainya.

Maka Arman Sulaiman lah namanya. Nanti sambung balik,,,,banyak pulak keje ni…hadoiiii


I got this touching story from an email. Just thought of sharing it.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane.

I didn’t love her anymore.I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.

The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.

I thought she was going crazy.Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life.

My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally.

I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce.

My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

Do have a real happy marriage! If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.


Rasa-rasanya bilakah agaknya aku boleh kerap blogging  kembali? Sejak akhir-akhir ini tahap kesibukan aku kian meningkat. Tanggungjawab aku juga makin bertambah. Jika dahulu aku masih boleh meluangkan masa untuk berborak di Mangga Online dan YM dengan teman-teman, kini usahkan nak berborak, nak makan pun kadang-kadang miss.

Kontrak aku dengan Perfisio juga akan tamat dalam sebulan dua lagi. Aku dah sound kat boss dan dia tanya sama ada aku mahu sambung kontrak atau diserapkan masuk ke dalam syarikat. Mestilah aku nak diserapkan. Kalau tak macam mana aku nak bayar kereta baru tu kan?

Dua hari sudah aku bertugas sebagai penerbit dan pengarah video untuk Dewan Perniagaan Melayu Malaysia Selangor. Boleh tahan sambutan ahli-ahli mereka. Kata boss aku mungkin Julai nanti kami akan ke Pulau Pinang pula untuk Dewan Perniagaan Melayu Pulau Pinang.

Tugas aku kini bukan sahaja sebagai Eksekutif Pembangunan Web, aku juga merangkap Webmaster untuk laman ManggaOnline, ManggaTV, Ranggi dan juga EazyTrade. Aku juga perlu menjadi pengacara majlis karpet merah sekiranya ia melibatkan ManggaTV. Setiap hari aku pulang kepenatan sehinggakan anak bongsu aku Rashidi dah boleh berjalan pun aku tak perasan.

Semalam wife aku ke pasar malam. Dia teringin sangat membelikan Rashidi sepasang Crocs kerana abang dan kakak Rashidi termasuk aku dan wife masing-masing memiliki sepasang Crocs. Aku tak beri sebab budak sedang membesar rugi dibeli barang mahal-mahal kerana nanti pakai dua tiga bulan dah tak muat. Jadi masa aku pulang malam semalam, aku perasan ada sepasang sandal celoreng seakan-akan Crocs untuk Rashidi. Rasanya aku paham naluri seorang ibu. Walaupun aku melarang dia membelikan Crocs untuk Rashidi, dia membelikan juga sepasang yang seakan-akan serupa. Aku tanyakan kepadanya kenapa belikan juga yang rupanya macam Crocs, kenapa tidak sandal biasa. Nak tahu apa jawapannya? “At least kalau kita sekeluarga keluar, kasut semua nampak sama.”

Aku tanyakan kepadanya mana dia dapat duit memandangkan dah tengah bulan ni. Dia cakap duit belanjanya yang aku beri minggu lepas disimpannya dan dia puasa Isnin lepas semata-mata mahu membelikan anak cumil kami sepasang sandal. Mulia sungguh seorang ibu!

Oklah, aku kena sambung kerja balik ni, ada masa aku update lagi.