Posts Tagged ‘Facebook’


I support Gaza

Tenggelam isu rasis timbul isu boikot. Pendapat aku isu boikot adalah hak peribadi. So far aku tak nampak lagi pihak memboikot troll pihak tidak memboikot. Ada nampak aku acu pistol kepada yang tak memboikot? Ada nampak aku ludah sesapa tak boikot?

Fahami dan mengerti apa itu boikot terlebihdahulu. Namun aku kesal dengan posting yang tidak menyokong boikot ini. No one is asking you to tag along. It is your own choice and free will. Aku buat ni supaya di Padang Mahsyar nanti aku tidak disoal atau dituntut dan ianya antara aku dan Allah.

Takde kena mengena dengan orang lain. Kalau aku tak nak beli burger di McDonald, atau berus gigi menggunakan Colgate mahupun makan dan minum Coke serta produk Nestle, maka itupilihan aku. Kalau kau tak suka sesuatu benda dan aku kata kau bodoh sebab tak menyukainya adil tak? It is a matter of preference.

Dan kepada posting kenapa aku sokong Bebaskan Gaza manakala kita di Malaysia ni banyak lagi memerlukan. Well hello, kat Malaysia ni wanita dan kanak-kanak disembelih macam haiwan ke? Mereka kena bom ke hari-hari? Adakah peluru menjadi makanan mereka setiap hari? Setiap hari kita dengar ke kanak-kanak putus anggota badan? Kanak-kanak ditanam dan dijadikan target practice?

Baik fikir dan dalami maksud kemanusiaan dahulu sebelum komen. Semua ni aku buat sebab pilihan aku dan aku tak paksa sesiapa pon ikut aku. Ini Jihad aku. Nak ikut, maka ikut. Tak nak dok dendiam. Tak suka post aku yang ni? Sila unfriend aku. Aku tak rugi apa pun.

Free Gaza

Keluh Suami Isteri

Posted: October 17, 2012 in jokes, life
Tags: , , , ,

Romantisnya

Baru kahwin je selalunya macam ni kan?

Keluhan seorang SUAMI:

Subuh, mandi nak pergi kerja.

Pagi, naik kereta pergi kerja.

Tengahari, malas nak sambung kerja.

Petang, balik kerja.

Maghrib, cari kerja.

Malam, tanya bini bole kerja.

Bangun pagi, penat malam tadi kerja.

Tak sudah-sudah dengan kerja.....

Keluhan seorang ISTERI:Subuh basuh kain. Pagi sidai kain. Tengahari angkat kain. Petang lipat kain. Maghrib susun kain. Malam BUKA KAIN. Bangun pagi, tertukar kain. Tak sudah-sudah dengan kain......
Baru kahwin macam ni lah

Hari 6 Januari, sudah enam hari kita berada di tahun baru. Pelabagai kenangan pahit manis suka duka aku lalui sepanjang 2010.

Antara peristiwa yang akan kekal selama-lamanya dalam ingatan aku ialah kehilangan papa pada 27 Ramadhan. Itu akan kekal selama lamanya. Dan juga perlantikan aku sebagai BRAND OWNER untuk http://www.online,tutor.com.my. Perlantikan ini bukanlah sesuatu yang boleh dibanggakan pun, ia lebih menjurus kepada untuk aku memperbaiki lagi kelemahan yang ada dalam Tutor Online ni.

Namun cabarannya bukan pada 2010 tetapi pada 2011! Aku masa tahun baru hari itu pun tak ke mana-mana kerana hari ini genaplah aku demam selsema dan batuk-batuk selama dua minggu! Mengalahkan H1N1 pulak.

2011 membuka tirainya dengan melihatkan puteri kesayangan aku masuk darjah satu. Dia aku pilih untuk bersekolah di SK Assunta PJ. Bukan apa, bak kata Usop dalam filem Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah, ‘English education ni penting Usin!”

Aku nak yang terbaik untuk anak-anak aku. Hari pertama Aaliyah ke sekolah, aku dan mamanya yang panik. Dia selamba cool as ice aje. Pagi-pagi lagi mamanya siapkan dia untuk ke KAFA di Taman Datuk Harun. Mamanya sanggup skodeng di luar pagar. Hati ibu kan. Padahal Umi (mak mertua aku) mengajar di sekolah tersebut dan rupa-rupanya Aaliyah anak murid Umi lagi. Mau jadi anak murid kesayangan ni.

Memandangkan van sekolah yang kami atur awal-awal semenjak Disember 2010 pulak tiba-tiba kata tak lalu Sekolah Agama tu, aku terpaksa menghantar Aaliyah ke sekolah. Ayunya aku lihat dia bertudung labuh. Hari pertama persekolahan aje dah ada masalah. Berlaku litar pintas maka bomba telah menutup jalan. Dah la tu, hujan pulak mencurah curah bak tiada penghujung petang itu. Dah dekat pukul satu suku, wife aku ambil keputusan untuk berjalan sejauh 100 meter ke sekolah Aaliyah.

Aku pula pusing balik dan hantar Ferhad dan Rashidi ke rumah Umi. Sekali wife aku call dia kata aku tak perlu tergesa-gesa ke sana kerana jalan masih sesak dengan kenderaan ibu bapa murid-murid darjah satu.

Oh ya, ibubapa digalakkan untuk berada di kawasan sekolah selama tiga hari bagi memberi semangat dan tunjuk ajar seperti membeli makanan di kantin dan sebagainya kepada anak-anak mereka. Wife kata dia nak balik naik bas sahaja dengan Aaliyah. Ada ke suami sampai hati tengok bini naik bas dengan anak pada hari pertama persekolahan? Dalam jam empat setengah aku ke SK Assunta semula, Masa tu panas meremang. Yelah dah hujan setengah hari,

Aku call wife aku, rupa-rupanya dia tengah beratur membeli buku dan katanya dah dua jam dia beratur. Siap berganti-ganti duduk dengan dua lagi ibu yang dikenalinya semenjak hari orientasi lagi.

Pendekkan cerita petang tu aku lihat Aaliyah gembira. Dia kata dia suka sekolah ni kerana ada kawan-kawan baru, cikgunya baik dan macam-macam lagi celotehnya. Aku masa tunggu dia balik tu aku sempatlah dapat van sapu untuk ambil dan hantar Aaliyah.

Itu satu cerita, cerita kedua pula, aku ditawarkan untuk menjadi DJ radio. Radio mana? ERA? Bukan. HOT FM? Pun bukan. Sebenarnya aku akan berDJ di http://www.funker.fm. Ianya sebuah stesen radio dalam talian (online) yang sah. Mereka mempunyai sijil pengesahan dari RIM dan MACP.

Sabtu ni aku mula bertugas. Nanti aku cerita apa pengalamannya. Nak sambung tengok cerita SALT kejap ni. Juling mata aku tengok Angelina Jolie. Salam sayang, GAMBATENEEE!!!!!


Kalau nak dikira tarikh hari ini genaplah sebulan teman rapatku Allahyarhamah Najat Nadya telah pulang ke Rahmatullah. Masya Allah, tak tahu macam mana rindunya kami kawan-kawan kami kepadanya, namun Allah lebih menyayangi dirinya.

Aku bari-baru ini ada menyampaikan pemergiannya kepada ahli-ahli http://www.gen-2.net di mana arwah pun turut menjadi ahli, beristigfar panjang mereka apabila mengetahuinya. Mereka pun perasan arwah seperti tahu dia akan meninggalkan kawan-kawan apabila arwah mula menjauhkan diri dan juga mengasingkan dirinya dari orang lain semenjak dua sebelum pemergiannya.

Minggu lepas aku berkampung di HKL jadi seminggu aku tak masuk pejabat, Hari ini hari pertama aku masuk bertugas dan dalam aku membersihkan folder-folder external drive aku terjumpa satu kiriman video arwah pernah hantarkan pada aku. Ni ha dianya…

Video ni arwah buat sendiri menggunakan windows movie maker aku rasa. Ada la cerita sedikit tentang perkenalan kami. Di akhir video itu ada grafik sebuah novel yang arwah minta aku buatkan tentang kisah hidupnya. Tak sempat aku tunaikan permintaannya itu dan itulah paling aku ralat sekali.

Apa-apa pun aku doakan sempena 30 hari pemergiannya ini semoga rohnya tenang di sana dan semoga dia ditempatkan disisi orang-orang yang soleh. Amin

Kat bawah ni pula merupakan SMS terakhir arwah pada aku bertarikh 7 April 2010. Salah satu gambar arwah dah bagi hint yang dia akan tinggalkan kita semua di mana dia menjawab, “Ok i will. I do hav so much to tell bt time is limited. Wait wen im back. C ya.”

Orang tua-tua cakap 45 hari sebelum kita dijemput pulang, kita dulu akan tahu cuma kita tak boleh cakap ke sesapa sahaja.


Siapa sangka? Buah cempedak dah jadi nangka. Lawak-lawak. Anyway semalam (hari Ahad) aku jadi pengacara pada majlis persandingan kawan aku Nazreen di Bukit Jelutong Shah Alam. Nak cerita lah pengalaman aku jadi pengacara.

Selalunya pada mesyuarat atau pembentangan kerja (English kata presentation la) aku biasa memberinya malah kepada mereka yang berpangkat CEO dan juga COO syarikat besar seperti Yahoo! Malaysia, Akamai (yang merupakan content delivery network untuk YouTube) dan banyak lagi. Namun apabila Sheeda, adik kepada Nazreen mempelawa aku jadi pengacara aku mulanya setuju akan tetapi pada hari tersebut aku gugup. Gugup kerana mereka ini semua aku tak kenal dan ini bukan pembentangan kerja, ini majlis sanding kawan aku!

Nak tarik diri, last minute la pulak. Maka aku perlu teruskan juga. Macam mana ye mama aku dulu boleh buat? Dia lagilah, pengacara TV untuk RTM dan TV3. Kira-kira mama aku dulu ni selebriti la jugak sebab dia banyak mengacara rancangan seperti Bintang RTM, Pesta Pujaan Kingsway, ASEAN Music Festival, Tele-thon Jantung Hatiku, Kuali dan banyak lagi. Bukan itu sahaja, jika sebut nama Nazliah Hamid maka semua kenal pengacara tersohor sebelum zaman Datuk Mahadzir Lokman, Habibah Yusuf, Wan Zaleha Radzi. Mereka ini junior kepada mama aku masa tu.

Sekarang, macam-macam karenah penonton. Aku terpanggil jugalah pada satu rencana dalam Facebook di mana aku juga dalam grup Wardina (sebab dia kawan aku) dan baru-baru ini dalam Utusan Malaysia ada tersiar satu surat dari seorang katum binti katum di Pahang. Perrrgh! Dia punya komen, boleh buat hati terbakar la pasal Wardina. Pasal cara dia mengendalikan WHI.

Aku pun buat kaji selidik (itu salah satu kelebihan bekerja di bawah Kumpulan Utusan Melayu (M) Berhad dan juga berkhidmat di bahagian IT; senang dapat maklumat) la pasal rating WHI. Khabarnya rating rancangan kendalian Wardina ini tinggi. Jadi tiada kesahihan tentang turunnya jumlah penonton WHI selepas Wardina mengambil alih. Kadang-kadang aku terpanggil, mereka yang komen ni, tahu ke mengacara? Mereka sedap mulut ni pernah ke mengacara? Kerana BUKAN SENANG nak mengacara terutama sekali jika ianya siaran langsung atau di depan khalayak ramai.

Aku sendiri mengalaminya. Namun, aku ucapkan terima kasih kepada Kuza kerana banyak membantu aku semalam dan juga jika dia tiada aku rasa aku lebih gelabah kot! Anyway mama, terima kasih kerana bakatmu mengalir pekat di dalam urat-urat ku!

Dan kepada Nazreen dan Aidawani, tahniah. Semoga berkekalan ke anak cucu.


Tanggal hari Jumaat, 2 Oktober 2009 yang lalu, aku kehilangan seorang kawan, seorang teman, seorang sahabat.

Walaupun aku baru setahun jagung mengenali insan bernama Farah Aeleena, namun persahabatan kami agak akrab. Kami lebih kepada perhubungan seperti adik beradik. Banyak yang kami kongsikan bersama; suka duka pahit maung.

Aku tidak menyangkan SMS aku terima pada hari aku mengadakan rumah terbuka Aidilfitri Sabtu sebelumnya dia serius. SMSnya berbunyi, “Sori Man aku tak sempat pergi rumah kau. Aku baru selesai interview. Ni berbaju kurung nak ke rumah kau la ni tapi aku tak sempat. BTW (by the way) minggu depan aku last kot kat Perfisio.”

Rupa-rupanya benar. Hari ini aku mulakan kerja dengan hati yang kosong. Aku perasan pejabat aku pun agak suram hari ini. Jika tidak pastinya kami akan terhibur mendengar celoteh Pa’ah di hujung sana. Time aku coretkan ini adalah time biasanya Pa’ah akan berada di belakang aku untuk mengambil sekeping akhbar lama dibuat alas meja untuk dia makan nasi lemak.

Dan bila dia makan nasi lemak maka semerbak la satu opis ni dengan bau-bauannya.

Pa’ah, kami mendoakan kau berjaya di Aeon. Laksanakan tugas baru kamu dengan penuh amanah dan dedikasi. Kami di sini amat merindui dirimu. Dharap kamu tidak melupakan kami di sini kerana terlalu banyak peristiwa manis dikongsi bersama.

Farah Aeleena, halakan termakan terminum kami. Sesungguhnya juga kami mendoakan agar hatimu

terbuka untuk Azri..hehehehe Aminnnnnn!

ps: Pa’ah, aku jamu anak-anak yatim kalau kau ke pelamin dengan Azri!


Bagi sesiapa yang belum pernah menonton filem pendek bersempena 1Malaysia ni, pergilah ke http://15malaysia.com/films/meter/ untuk melihat Khairy Jamaludin yang berlakon sebagai pemandu teksi yang juga merupakan bekas ketua pemuda UMNO.

Pada aku, ada elemen berunsur peribadi di dalam video ini terutama sekali apabila dia menyentuh FAM dan juga PPSMI. Tengok sendiri dan nilaikan.

Pada aku juga, KJ ni lagi sesuai jadi pelakon kerana dia nampak hidup dalam ni. Berhenti politik masuk arena lakonan, lagi glamour KJ oi!

Ni bukan lah lakonan tapi salah satu lagi yang aku jumpa dalam youtube…

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Well, I dedicate this piece of write up to a person aptly named Dana Roslan or her real name is Farisha Dayana Roslan. I know this GOD forbid creature many many many years ago when she did practical training with my mother’s travel agency back in the 90’s.

I till today wonder what does my mother see in this dark skinned more westernised than Malay woman? My mum asked me to ask her out. In which at first I was quite reluctant because I was kind of seeing someone at that moment and she was nowhere near my choice of woman.I had exquisite taste and this woman was waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy way way way way below par. But then, is not nice to judge someone just because of her looks or lifestyle right? Wrong! Because I always trust my intuition and it never fails me. Should anyone wants to see how this Beyonce wannabe looks like, go on and add her as your friend on Facebook. Type Dana Roslan and you will see her restricted image column. Damn….

Oh yeah I forgot, she only like white dicks and thinks Malays are shallow. Hahahaha the joke is on you biatch! What are you? Caucasian? African? YOU ARE A MALAY you moron! Bontot bekerak jugak however westernised you think you are!

Now I am sure why most people are wondering why am so god damned pissed at this piece of unholy shit right? Who wouldn’t be? If you were conned of your child’s money right? Anyway heres how the story goes. I went out with this character for almost 6 months and I tell you I kinda regretted I asked her out the first time. I have never met anyone so egoistical, demanding, controlling and so emotional as her. She fits the bill as a Drama Queen. No no no she’s better than that she’s the Goddess of Drama. All hail!

After sometime, my mum kinda ask me to propose to her. So I told her of my mum’s intentions and she rejected with the excuse she wants to see the world and so on and so forth. As I was going out with her, I met my now wife. And she has far better qualities than Dana. I tell you far far far better. And secretly all I wanted was to fuck Dana and just dump her. Thank GOD Almighty that I didn’t because for all I knew she must have crabs or some vaginal carrying disease from humping all the whites, blacks and GOD knows how many other colours.

Then, I kinda drifted away from her because like I said before, she was not my type though mum liked her. Of only mum knew then and not now what sorta character this person was. Probablyshe would even get a restraining order then! Hahaha!

So after many many many years, she found me through Facebook. “FUCK!” I thought to myself. Here she is to GOD knows what. Ok, don’t judge her like you did then. I told myself again. So I accepted her friend request and we began talking about lost times and how we have been doing. She told me she is now with some middle eastern airline as a stewardess. So I told her finally she got what she wished for, to see the world.

So after Facebooking for almost a year, I got a message stating she’s coming down somewhere in December 2008. She said lets meet for coffee. That night I so happened had made plans with my buddies. And I rather not disappoint them because they are my buddies and she was only a has been so I know my priorities. She said she wanna meet up. There you go again be the drama demanding drama queen.

I do not like to be asked many time and so I asked her to join us. We agreed to meet up at 8 in Bukit Bintang Plaza. So me and Ben my ggod friend decided to pick her up as my car was being used by my missus. We arrived in Bukit Bintang Plaza by 810. It was drizzling that night. Called her to state we have arrived and she said she was on her way. My friend than asked me if she was a hooker? I was quite taken aback by that question and I asked why.

“Now, if you are a stewardess with some middle eastern airline. Would you be staying in a cheap hotel somewhere in the red light district? You must be earning more than a middle class executive here in Malaysia due to being paid id USD!”

I thought to myself. And silently I agreed. Because look at it this way, your parents have a huge house in Shah Alam and you are acting so shady and avoiding questions when asked, doesn’t it tell you something? I wanted to pick her up where she was staying at yet she asked me to wait in front of Planet Hollywood. Now it is 9pm and she hasn’t showed up. Calls went unasnwered.

Ben decided to just leave this trash where she belongs (in a trash can I suppose! Hahahaha). Only then I got a call from her. “I left my phone and wlaked back to get ot. I got your text. Wait up.” Me and Ben were quite pissed then already. You wanted to see me and I have to fucking wait on you? Who the fuck are you Dana Roslan? Not my wife, not my sister, than what fucking right have you got to tell me to wait on you? Are you the fucking queen of the universe? Maybe a fucking queen or queen of fuck though but you ain’t my queen shit!

So trying to be a gentleman I asked Ben to wait on her for another 10 minutes. We have been getting calls from friends who are waiting for us at the karaoke place asking where were we. Finally she showed up and looking like a whore! Micro tiny weeny shorts that you can actually see a portion of her butt crack and the shape of her swollen cunt! Ben was like aghast! So was I. When she got in the car her perfume was intoxicating. She wore an ultra low cut singlets (I dont really know what they are called). And parts of her tetek was like showing. This is not the Dana I used to go out with!

Well she acted quite sgady during the karaoke. I said shady because evert time her phone rang, she looked uneasy. It was like she was afraid of the person that was calling her. And furthermore, she would even let me see who was calling and to me it was fine because it’s not my problem. Imagine, you having a good time with your buddies and there is this is person that keep telling you you she need to be back by 10pm. The nerve! You came late and now you demand me to send you back early. Wow! The excuse, “I am staying with brother at Jalan Alor and he doesn’t have a key and he will be back by 10pm”

Weird, and shady. Now how many sets of keys does a normal person hass for his home? I have four! My wife and me a set each, one is with my mother-inlaw and one with my mum just in case. And her brother only has one set of keys which was with her. Furthermore, was it really her ‘brother’? Or was it her… nevermind it’s not nice to accuse of her having a pimp. Oopps!

On the way to the car, she asked if I had 50 bucks coz she hadn’t had dinner. I was like WTF? You came late, you wanted to leave early and now you asking for 50 bucks? Hell you are not even worth 20 sen! Even, a free fuck would be a curse on anyone! I pitied her for whatever reason only HE knows and I withdrew RM50 from my kids account as my salary was on a two days float in the bank and I only had like twenty bucks on me after the karaoke. To me, paying her 50 bucks was like paying her for services to accompany us that night. Well Dana, you made yourself look and hint yourself as a whore! She thanked me and promised to pay me back by weeks end (and that was like 16 weeks ago!) God knows how many weeks would be her weekend.

I texted her asking her join my Gen-2 Network gahthering and she did not reply. The week after I send her messages again asking her how she was, again no message. A couple of days later I got her private message in Facebook apologising (which I feel was unsincere and fake) saying her mum was ill. I mean if your mum was ill, does your thumb fall ill that you can’t  even answer a call?

After a few messages in facebook this was her reply

Norman,
first of all i borrowed that money,pls jgn fikir bukan2 cuz i at the same time u upset yg kite tak jadi keluar the other day,iv told u already we gonna lepak before i go bk to dubai,at the moment i cant go bk as my mum’s condition not allowed me to do so,ur 50 is still save and so dissapointed u sent me that message,and ur wife labelled me as a CON.no worries babe,ull get ur money 50ringgit.i dun need to explain myself so much as its not necessary to do so at this moment.thnx norman happy new year

And this was mine

Just to badlah la babe dia panggil u con…not only her but now mum pun dah tahu….dia pegang buku akaun anak2 dia dan of courselah dia realised duit short 50 bucks kan? tak payah la bayar balik Dana. Manusia bila susah mandai cari minta tolong dan bila dah senang lupa diri. Macam kamulah.

Aku halalkan je la 50 hengget tak seberapa tu sebab aku rasamaruah diri aku lebih bernilai dari 50 hengget tu dan rasanya aku takde la nak terhegeh hegeh minta duit nak keluar kalau tahu diri aku tu sengkek nak keluar melainkan niat aku nak pow orang lah.

Anyway dah tahun baru pun aku pun malas la nak pikir-pikir. Ko nak marah bini aku panggil ko con? Kalau kau di tempat dia, wajar tak dia marah? Cermin diri tu dulu Farisha Dayana sebelum nak menilai orang. I nak upset u tak keluar dengan I? What THE FUCK? You rasa you tu hebat sangat ke nak to be seen with me amongst my closest friends? PLEASE again I beg of thee to look in the mirror ok?

And please dun gimme crap about your mum’s condition and all that bullshit. Aku bukan budak darjah lima ko nak kelentong. Mak sakit2 pun ada time layan FaceBook? Ko memang hebat dowh mak sakit leh layan FB.

Dah la Dana, as of now, ko buat jer lah ko tak kenal aku. Aku tak rugi apa pun. Rugi 50 hengget jadi kawan ko ada lah. Take care…cheers…

And she replied though I told not to…

hey,dun be so rude ok….i dun give a fuck damn fuck wot u wana think…i tak nak simpan 50ringgit tu….woteva it is….am sorry for all this incovenience,well con ke pop corn ke,wot the fuck like u said…..well if u know how to talk to me this way i know too….i tak paksa u bg duit tu,i ckp i pinjam,u ingat i tak pernak pegang 50rinngit ker?i tak penah lupa diri tau,u r nuthing to me to say any of that bullshit of yours…..kalau i layan fb so wot,i tak ckp mak i sakit tenat cuma i ckp with my mum’s condition….so dun make any assumptions buta tuli norman oiiii….whateva it is….tk cr

See? See what I mean? Creating excuses to cover one lie. Does she ever realise she is living in a world of lies? You begged to borrow money from someone and now you act like that person owes you the world? Who the fuck are you tramp? You are just a piece of shit that God put on the face of earth to make our lives a living hell! You know where you belong you whore? You belong in a ‘meat trade’. You fit in nicely there. But the, you will spoil the business by scaring away customers with your antics and dramas. Imagine a fuck with you will make that person leap of KLCC just to shut that pie hole.

So much said, I just realised today that she deleted me and wife in her facebook. I thought of doing so the moment she added me but then again I hold tru to my principles and beliefs. My mother brought me up well not to treat people bad although that is how they treat you. So miss Farisha Dayana, who’s the moron now? Whos on the loosing end? Who looks bad? Well I am not sorry for sharing this piece of shit to everyone and anyone who reads this because they have every right to know the dark side of you before they too get conned especially the shallow Malays as you said it. Betcha you didn’t know that those whites and blacks humping you do only so because they can just dump you after the good hump they get from you. And that is why most of your boyfriends never last long. Its because of your attitude. If a shallow and only Malay guy ever dated you can’t even stand your attitude, imagine the much more open minded and westernised minds!

I just have one thing to to actually confess to you, dating you is like fucking Lucifer up his arse! Well, you have a good day and pleasant life!